THE THINGS YOU CAN SEE WITH YOUR EYES
I saw an old geezer
Having a sneezer
Way down in the depths of a mine.
An explosion of gas
Blew off most of his ass
But apart from that, he's doing fine.
Wee Willie Magee
Trained a small bumble bee
To juggle three balls in the air..
But alas the poor bumble
Took a bad tumble
Thank God for community care.
Big Nellie from France
Got a hole in her pants
When jumping high over barbed wire.
The man who put stitches
In big Nellie's britches
Was bonny wee Doctor Maguire.
"Let's be merry and dance."
Said a man with no pants
Sitting drunk on the side of the bed..
And he tangoed with pride
With big Jimmy McBride
To the lilting of wee uncle Fred.
"If you touch my bra
I'll yell for my Da."
Said the girl with the ring in her nose.
"And my Da he will batter
Yeh dirty wee clatter
So for Pete's sake stop looking at those!"
Wee Robert from Tyrone
Liked to gnaw on a bone
Since the night he was banned from the bar
For biting wee Joe
With his teeth on the toe
And barking while chasing his car.
Young Sandra McNeill
Could twist like an eel
Her contortions confounded most vicars.
But one night in Dover
She bent too far over
And put a bad twist in her knickers.
Wee Ida from Bow
Could never say no
She was flirty and ready for fun.
But if you never say no
There's a fair chance you know
That your oven will soon hold a bun.
"Youse is all going to hell!"
Yelled wee Pastor McBell
"I warn youse, the end it is NIGH!"
But something was gleekin'
Peering and peepin'
From the holy man's wee open fly!
"'Tis a sign from above!"
Yelled wee Nellie Love
"For strange things will be seen in the
Then a man who was tight
Yelled out, "I see the light!
There's a demon in that man's wee drawers."
Tubby Nolan rolled the dice
Against the croupier's advice
Could the lad be mad, or bi-polar?
Then the pit boss did drawl
To a man near the wall
"Hank, wheel away his large roller."
When they say, "What happens in Vegas, stays
in Vegas" they mean your money, so, think on!