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 Letter from Rosie Ryan to her niece

13 tHe Bog Road

Deer doona,

A wee bird ( I think it was a corncrake) told me that you worked in a kemist shop. Could you get me a tube of that new stuff, Baruka.  Itís supposed to be wile good for farts and varukas. 

I enclose two pee. If there is any change give it to the wee black babbies.  I wonder could you rekomend anything that wood take tomato catchup out of a pear of puce bloomers. My son wee Bob-Jovi run into me with his head when I was eating chips.  I was going to run after him and whammle him but I couldnít due to the farts and varukas.

I wood say that you wood nearly no as much as a doctor doona. Do you think that the wild smart boys will ever find a cure for the coul.  Wee Bon-Jovi is fair killed with it.  His wee noís is running like a tap.  I tried to give him a drink of ribeena but he cut up rouff and threw it roun me.  Doona do you No anything that wood take ribeena stains out of a pear of puce bloomers? I hope the auld Baruka wool give me some ease from the farts and varukas. 

I heer that you and your boyfriend like two go fishing. Thereís a burn at the back of our house that has eels in it as long as your arm.  If you cum up I wool make youse a cup of tay in your hand. And set down a plate of suggestive biskits.

Well I must go. 
Yours sinn.C.eerly
Mrs rosie ryan

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